


jane crocker wears ron swanson pj's

by kristyn



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, implied past dirkjake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2015-05-21
Packaged: 2018-03-31 14:36:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3981736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kristyn/pseuds/kristyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>dirk hides from his ex in jane's room during a party...</p><p>commission for heavensplite!</p>
            </blockquote>





	jane crocker wears ron swanson pj's

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KittenzKoni](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittenzKoni/gifts).



> i do fanfic commissions! hit me up at homuratrash if youd like to commission me! i do smut :')

You sigh, staring up at the dark ceiling of your bedroom, the sounds of the party pounding through the three walls surrounding you. You groan, shoving your pillow over your head.

You have no idea why you believed Roxy when she said they wouldn’t be making much noise. It’s a party; of course there’s going to be noise! You can’t believe you’ve been hornswoggled like this. Your prankster’s gambit has never been lower.

It’s not as if you can go ask them to turn the party down. If the party were quiet, it wouldn’t be a party. No, sir, your options as of now are to wait it out, or attempt to fall asleep. Sleep does not appear to be coming soon, but what else can you do? You can’t read with all this noise. You suppose you could surf the Internet, but you tend to prefer to do that in silence as well.

Well… you could always join the party. Roxy invites you every time. Though even if you weren’t best friends, she would still probably invite you. You’re suitemates, after all, along with Dirk and Jake. And it certainly took a lot of convincing to get your dad to agree to a co-ed suite! You wouldn’t want to mess it up by getting caught in any Facebook photos while holding a drink, or worse, getting in trouble with the school. You shudder to think of the punishment you’d receive if anything like this happened.

So you stubbornly stay in your room in your Ron Swanson pajamas, trying in vain to get to sleep.

Wow, you’re bored.

Almost instantly after you have this thought, your doorknob jiggles with such sudden force it makes you gasp. You shoot up, throwing off your covers and shoving your glasses on your face before running to the door.

Through the peephole you inspect a pair of pointy shades and a head of spiky white-blond hair.

You open the door for Dirk. You blink and he wordlessly stumbles in, shutting the door quietly after him. He leans against it, expressionless.

He sometimes joins in the parties, but often he sits them out, like you. But when he does join, he never drinks.

“Hey,” he greets.

The music thumps outside.

“Dirk! Everything okay?”

He sighs, shaking his head. “Jake’s drunk and he keeps throwing himself on me.”

You wince sympathetically. “Darn, that boy is in denial, huh?”

“It’s been almost a month since I ended it.”

You gesture to your dark room, letting him know he can sit anywhere.

“Is it weird living with him?” you ask as you both sit down on your bed.

He gets comfortable instantly, lying down with his hands under his head. “It’s pretty easy to avoid him, since he’s the one who told me he needed space after the breakup. But it’s hard to not be fucking annoyed that one hard lemonade gets him drunk enough to forget that.”

You play with the strings on your pajama pants. “You won’t move out, will you?”

He shoves your shoulder with his gloved hand, smiling. “Fuck no. I’d miss you and Roxy too much. Plus I wouldn’t want to fuck you over.”

Your face heats up. “Huh?!”

He props himself up with his elbows. “You know, with the rent. Without a fourth person, you three would have to pay a shit ton more.”

“Oh, oh, right.” God, you’re so stupid! That’s obviously what he meant!

He smirks and you look away.

“Jane, you’re blushing. I can tell and it’s dark as fuck in here. And I’m wearing shades!”

“Oh, shucks, just shut up! I’m tired, and I misunderstood something.”

You refuse to look anywhere near his general vicinity.

Suddenly you feel his hand on your thigh. You jump, squeaking. He laughs, loud and so contagious you find yourself laughing with him.

Soon, you’re both laughing so hard you can’t breathe. You both fall back, giggling and gasping for breath.

Without warning, he rolls over so he’s on top of you.

“Hey, Jane, wanna have sex?” he breathes in your ear. A chill runs down your entire body.

“W-what?!” you squeak.

He kisses your neck. “Sorry,” he mumbles against your throat. “I’m not sure what came over me. But if you’d like to, I really want to fuck you right now, Crocker.”

Your eyes widen, and your jaw falls just as he starts sucking on the spot on your neck.

“D-dirk, wait, s-stop…”

He stops, waiting for you to go on. You collect your hazy thoughts, piecing together what you want to say. It’s surprisingly hard to make sense of your own words when someone is giving you a love bite.

“Dirk, aren’t you gay?” you ask.

“Yeah. It’s called experimenting. We _are_ in college, yeah? I’ll stop if you want. I’m just goin’ with my gut, to be honest.”

“Your gut wants to have sex with me?”

“No, my dick does.”

“So you’re just going with your dick?”

“Wanna fuck or what?”

He ruts against you for a brief moment and you weakly cry out.

“Y-yes, I do. Oh, gosh, that felt nice. Hoo boy.”

He laughs. “Sex with Jane Crocker. This’ll be an experience.”

He moves his head down, lifting up your shirt and kissing your stomach.

“Hey, mister, did you come in here _knowing_ you were gonna woo me?”

“Swear I didn’t. On my bro’s grave. Just good ol’ fashioned hiding from my ex.”

He lifts the shirt over your head and kisses your lips. Oh, wow. Dirk Strider is a very good kisser. He bites your bottom lip and swipes your tongue with his. You’ve never truly known how to kiss, but he seems to be doing it right! You had no idea kissing could stir this many butterflies in your stomach, to the point where it elicits a moan from you.

You freeze, embarrassed.

“Don’t worry,” he reassures you against your mouth. “That was hot.”

You nod, comfortably reassured.

He goes for your bra next, pulling down the straps tentatively before pausing.

“Something wrong?” you ask, sitting up with him.

“Well, I. I’ve actually never been with a girl before and, uh.”

Confused, you’re about to ask again when it clicks. You laugh suddenly, surprising him. “You don’t know how to work a bra!”

“Yeah, yeah, make fun of me.”

You turn for him, showing him the clasps as you undo it.

“Don’t girls usually go to sleep without them?”

“I happen to think breasts need all the support they can get, even while I sleep.”

“Isn’t that uncomfortable?”

“Are you going to touch them, or what?”

He looks down at your bare breasts. “Oh, right.”

You slowly lie back down as he settles over you again, cupping one breast in his hand. He jiggles it, staring intently.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been with a boy who has never held a breast before,” you say, laughing.

“They seem so… unwieldy, I guess is the word? Don’t they get in the way?”

“Yes. Often, frankly.”

“They’re… nice.”

“You can move on if you’d like. Breastplay doesn’t very much feel good for me, anyway.”

“Thank god. I mean, thanks. Fuck.”

“How about I go next?”

“Huh, what do you—OOF.”

You shove him off you and to the side, sliding off the bed and onto your knees.

“Come on, sit on the edge,” you instruct him.

He’s there in an instant, clearly understanding what you’re about to do.

You quickly take off his jeans and boxers. He’s a little soft, but after gripping him and giving him three experimental strokes, he gets hard once more. He hisses softly as you lick him, moving slowly from the base to the tip.

You put him partially in your mouth, lips closed around him as you lick the head. He groans.

“Exactly how much experience do you have with this, Jane Crocker?” he asks, visibly affected by your work.

“Not telling!” you say before going as far down as your gag reflex will allow. You come up coughing.

“ _Fuck_ , Jane,” he gasps.

You pump him more then lean down again, bobbing up and down when your lips close around him once more.

“Alright, alright, stop,” he pants after cussing enough to make a sailor want to wash out his mouth. “I’m gonna lose it if you keep doing that. What the fuck, you’re _good_ at that.”

You wipe your mouth, grinning. “What, you mean you didn’t expect that from me?” You shake your head in mock disappointment. “Strider, don’t you know not to judge a book by its cover?”

“Okay, enough cheesy shit because I think we gotta fuck now.”

You shrug, heading to your drawer for your box of condoms. You’d bet your Swanson PJ’s he had not come prepared with contraceptive. No matter, you’re always prepared. You’ve been hit with the “come on baby, let’s do it without one…” spiel before, and your father taught you well to avoid that.

You throw a plastic wrapper at him. “Suit up, buster!”

A corner of his mouth lifts. “You kill me, Crocker.”

You drop your pants and undies as he stuffs the condom on.

“Let’s do this!” you announce.

He laughs. “Get over here.”

You join him on the bed again, and he grabs you by the waist, pulling you into a kiss.

“So, uh, you get natural lube, right? At least that’s what I know from health class, and also Roxy.”

You nod. “That’s the idea.”

“Are you… are you good, then?”

“Yeah, actually. The neck thing probably did it. Also the fellatio, which you may not expect, but here we are!”

“Okay. Fuck. Cool. Let’s do this, then.”

You get on your back as he positions himself above you. After some finagling, which includes more than a few swears and apologies from the young Strider, he slides his member into you.

You gasp. He’s not very long, but he’s wide and it feels great. It’s been a while, but you quickly get used to it.

“Can I move?” he asks.

“Yes, yes, please! Oh, gosh, you feel great, Dirk!”

You coax him into going faster, and it doesn’t take long for him to start thrusting harder and harder, which makes you moan so loud you’d worry about being heard if the party going on around you weren’t so loud.

He’s going so fast now the bed shakes and slams against the wall, and he gives one last thrust into you as he comes. He shudders and grunts before pulling out, and it doesn’t seem to occur to him that you haven’t come yet, but it’s okay. You remind yourself to finish later.

You grab your shirt and put it back on as Dirk comes down from his high.

“The verdict?” you ask, half playfully, half seriously.

He sits beside you, leaning against the wall as he briefly considers.

“Vaginas feel nice.”

“But?”

“I think I like dick better.”

You smile. “Good. Glad I could help.”

He throws his arm around you. “You know, you’re probably the only girl I could ever do that with.”

“Yeah?” You try to ignore how that makes you feel in the pit of your stomach. “Not even Roxy?”

“God. _Especially_ not Roxy. I couldn’t do that to her. I don’t suppose she ever stopped liking me, huh?”

“No, she’s still head over heels,” you confirm.

“See? Yeah. I would never do that to her.”

You lean against his shoulder. “I guess this is the perfect revenge on Jake. Date my best friend instead of me? Fine! I’ll simply copulate with him once he dumps you!”

“That is some twisted, fucked up logic you got there.”

You laugh, and almost immediately after, yawn.

“Oh, look at that, I’m tired now.”

“I’d offer to stay, but these beds are barely big enough for one person.”

You laugh. “Just go back to your room. Jake will leave you alone if you’re locked away from him.”

“Yeah, you’d think that.”

“Good luck,” you say as he pulls his jeans and t-shirt back on.

“Good night, Jane. Love you.”

“You too!” you say back, smiling. He shuts the door behind him and you don’t even remember to get off before your head hits the pillow and you fall soundly asleep.


End file.
